Jasmine Hart

Hi. Welcome to YWS! I quite liked this; it's very original. I'd alter your register. In parts it reads like an essay and I'd add colloquialisms to make it clear ...

Aw I love this! It made me smile. I really love; "Icecreams like me." and "Like a hurl without a sliothar, Would be stranded." I think it's great as it ...

This is lovely. It flows well and you handle the rhyming scheme effectively. I'd put "rising" in the first line as I think it will help it to flow a ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS. I like the use of alliteration in "Arguments Arise." The first thing I'd do with this is click "edit" and then "check spelling". That will catch ...

Hi. This is laid out nicely. It highlights the speaker's thought process. I'd click the "check spelling" button over the box you type into before posting. It will catch misspellings ...

This flows very well and you express yourself nicely. I love; "lonely gravestone" and; "Your life-prolonging hourglass Has dropped its grains, Declared defeat". I'd change "still I cannot let you ...

This flows well, and you have some lovely images, such as; "Cascading reams of oceanic foam". I think that sometimes you make your lines to long, for what it seems ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! The first eight lines are fine, and I especially like the alliteration of 'diamond dredged', but you're right, the ending is a bit weak. The shooting ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! The first line is a nice gateway into the poem, as you've focused on an image. I'd suggest elaborating on this a bit, and trying to ...

Hi. You have so great phrases here. I really like; "you hold me over a plateau, restless" "red as footsoles. drooping, like kept petals" and "the psalms squish me." The ...

This is beautiful. I love your imagery and your use of form works well with your subject. I love "peachy leaves". I also love; "rippled calm waters." "The fluttering petals ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! You have some good lines here. I really like; ""He just kept on hitting me, he wouldn't stop.." I said. They beleived, I was freed." The ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! This is a beautiful poem, and it flows very well. I love; "A little face, two twinkling eyes, A pair of wings and a beautiful smile." ...

Hi. Welcome to YWS! This flows nicely, and you have some great imagery. My favourite lines are; "Let it burn bright orange" and "Throw the lilacs in the air." I'd ...

Hi Meg, This flows well. It winds down nicely and the last two lines are particularly effective. It flows very well as a whole and doesn't sound forced. The only ...